Makai came home from preschool yesterday with his superduper new backpack (that we got on clearance at Wal-Mart for a killer $3) overflowing with notices, sign-here forms, menus, calendars, book orders, policies, and THIS, the above pictured artwork."Oh, how cute, a family portrait," I thought to myself and promptly stuck it up on the fridge with a magnet.
Later in the day I heard Makai telling his little friend about school, and taking him to the fridge, showed off his piece of art, pointing out all the members of his family. What caught me was when he got to the pink thing, he casually said, "And this is my mom. See? She has a frowny face because she's always mad."
What?! Is it true? I probably wouldn't be so concerned, except that just recently, a neighborhood mom who watched Ame for the morning told me hesitantly that Ame had declared, "My mom's angry. She's a mean mom." This other mom just laughed it off, saying, "Isn't that cute? I thought it was so funny!" (What I was hoping she would say is, "Now I know I'm not the only one!" or "Why would she say a thing like that? What a silly girl who must lie frequently!")
Am I really that grumpy/mean/irritated/impatient/mad/in-a-bad-mood (or "bad nude" as Makai used to say…ha! if he only knew!) all the time? I guess it doesn't matter what the answer is; what matters is that my children are perceiving me that way, and that hurts. I know I tend to be negative by nature—there is a hearty helping of pessimism in my blood, unfortunately—but I don't think I'm any meaner/madder than most moms. Or am I?
Obviously, my guilt should spur some positivee changes in my parent-kid interactions. But should I really be feeling guilty? Or is it normal for toddlers to see their parents this way? (If they were teenagers, I would just consider their opinion of hatred to be a sign I'm doing a great job). I need a response here…this inquiring mind wants to know how you feel about this…don't try to make me feel better…if you're shocked my kids say such things, tell me that apparently I'm a horrible mother and need to get some help. Should I be calling JoJo the Super Nanny? Do your kids think you're a meany?
12 comments:
Don't feel bad lindy! You are an awesome mom!
Lindy, I've heard, "YOU are the MEANEST mom EVER!", way too many times to count. It's just like with everything else, they only remember the not-so-good stuff and forget about the good stuff. No worries, I'm right there with ya. I hate to place blame but I think the pessimism came from that darn Larson side. Shhhh, don't tell!
After dealing with Jana growing up I definitely was not going to be a "mean mom". I always wanted to let my children do whatever they wanted just so they would like me. Ha.. now that I HAVE a daughter I can't wait for her to yell at me and tell me she hates me.. PS I can't picture you a mean mom at all! You're way to sweet!
Whether you are or are not a meanie, you sure make me laugh ;)
I hope you make them laugh too.
Hi Lindy,
Didn't you say only a few entries ago that the whole family was pretty sick there for a few days? Maybe that's where they're getting this from. I would hope you were a grump when you were sick! (otherwise the rest of us are going to feel sheepish). :) I would just chuck it up to a bad week with being sick and look at all of the great things you do for them, like make them delicious looking food! (Did I mention it made me hungry?) Oh, and seriously, you should consider calling Supernanny anyway, because I love that lady! I've considered making up problems just to see her in person. :)
So all in all, don't beat yourself up. And here's a random question for you, you don't work at a pediatrician's office do you? If not, there's another Lindy in Tooele--maybe a twin! :)
Okay, sorry about the long post!
Jenn
Have you seen the "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode about the angry family? It is about how one of their twins writes a story at school about "the angry family" in which the mom and dad are always yelling:) Makai's picture totally reminded me of it and I couldn't stop laughing! I'm sure you're not any meaner than the rest of us--kids just think we're mean because we're the disciplinarians. Dads have it way easy:)
Puh-lease! My kids should be in shock treatment for how MEAN I am! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear (from at least one of them) "Mom, are you angry today or happy today?" (Talk about reality check.) So don't judge yourself too harshly. You are just one of the members of a very divine and elite group of women... MOTHERS, and with that comes the GOOD (when we let them have their way and eat what they want) the BAD (making them pick up their rooms and eat their vegetables) and the UGLY (dealing with the harsh words flying about on occasion). I can tell simply from the posts you write that you are a devoted mother. They will recognize that when they can understand it better. I have to tell myself that ALL THE TIME, "Someday when you are older, and can rationalize things better, you will agree that I am the most awesome mother ever, and be thankful I did't drown you at birth!" (Okay not really the drowning part, but you know what I mean!)
FYI, I saw your comment on Mindy's blog, (chuckle) man I didn't know I was so flaky! Yes, I did quit Blogger but only once, I assure you. I have a terrible addiction with it and seeing how "going cold turkey" wasn't for me, I came back and am blogging again. There is just too much to say and do and post about in this life to not Blog.
My response is the same as others. Cohen asked me just this morning, "can we just have fun today?" When Mike comes home, Cohen has said, "mom yelled at me today." That always makes me feel like the mother of year. I think we're all mean. My mom was mean, too. But we're buddies now. :)
I know i just commented, but I forgot to tell you something.
I'm having a story time at my house on Thursday, Sept. 20 at 10:30 am. We'll be reading a book and doing an activity and snack that go along with it. It will probably last about 45 minutes. You and the little misses should come over. I'm in Linden Colonial A-11 (the building right on 1300 East). We'd love to see you. There will be a bunch of folks from the ol' ward. :)
Lindy,
Love your post. Man that's rough. I'm in for it with Marcela. She can't verbalize those "mean mom" thoughts yet, but I get "the look". Hang in there. Follow the Spirit. Don't give in to being "nice" in your kids eyes and not discipline them. Children need it. No necistan que les peguen con cinturones tampoco. :) Hay tantas diferentes formas de disciplina. ;) I've got a lot to learn.
Thank you, all, for the great comments. We're doing the best we can, I believe, and we should continue doing that. I am more aware, though, of trying not to lose my cool so often. It's okay for my kids to think I'm mean (for disciplining them), but I don't think frequent displays of anger are called for. i'm working on it! Thanks again for your friendly support!
I just read this and I could not stop laughing during the story part of it, and the picture...then I felt bad. I'm sure you are not a mean mom - I think Kristen's right about being the disciplinarians.
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