Doing time

Remember I told you (like forever ago, when I last blogged), that I would be going to the cannery? Well, here is my report: When I arrived at the cannery and donned a green hair cover and white smock, I thought, "Oh goody, I get to be an Oompa-Loompa today!" doompadee doo

Only a moment later, I was standing in a factory line screwing lids onto jars of strawberry jam as they came by me on a conveyor belt. "Even better!" I thought to myself, "We're Laverne and Shirley…except we're not capping beer bottles." I was daydreaming of wearing a groovy L-monogrammed shirt that could stand for Lindy when the grandma next to me burst my bubble by reminding me that her name actually was Laverne. Fine, take all the L shirts. I'll be Shirley. She's prettier anyway and gets Carmine for a boyfriend. Schlemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated…we're gonna do it!

Just when I was feeling sure of my role that day at the cannery, the men-in-charge got the crazy idea that we had the hang of things and could be doing more. They sped up the conveyor belt. The machine starting squirting out the boiling hot strawberry jam into the jars at an alarming rate. I suddenly was lid-screwing challenged, and couldn't keep up. I was burning myself left and right, and all the jars were backing up. Panic set in. I then knew I was not an Oompa Loompa, not Shirley, but Lucy, the incompetent factory worker. I love her. But I, unfortunately, did not have the option of stuffing jars of hot strawberry jam into my hat and mouth. (Don't know what I'm talking about? You've never seen the chocolate factory episode before?)

Thankfully, one of the men-in-charge came to the rescue and started screwing lids on like nothing I've ever seen. He called out to have the conveyor belt go back to beginning speed; I was so glad to be able to fulfill my duties once again. The man was clearly disappointed in my special needs and laughingly said, "I can tell you don't work at Wal-Mart." Wha… What in the world does that mean? That I don't have much conveyor belt experience? Sorry, sir, but shoving something across a scanner doesn't take as much skill as screwing a lid on, okay?

Other than that little exchange, which I tried not to take personally, I had a great time. My other thoughts on the day:

• Oh, scrap. I forgot my camera.
  
• Thanks to my grandma companions, I got to hear lots of stories of husbands/lovers at war, and who was dating whom…sixty years ago.
• A huge room filled with the smell of sugar and strawberries is somewhat intoxicating.
• I think all high school kids should work one day at the cannery. They will go to college, guaranteed.
• The older gentleman who replaced me for the next shift looked particularly familiar, but I couldn't place him, though I knew he had to be from Tooele. When I asked how I might know him, he smiled, and said, "Lots of people think they know me. I work at Wal-Mart."