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| This photo grosses me out (I don't like cats). But I'm using it to remind myself to be grateful I only have ONE baby. Ha! |
I really do not function well without my sleep! The three-times-a-night feeding sessions are really taking a toll on me. I love my baby boy so much and know that I am sacrificing for him, but I feel as if I'm going to go crazy if I can't catch a break soon and get some SLEEP.
Being sleep deprived means my appetite is crazy--all I want to do is eat. Which is NOT a good thing when I am pre-diabetic. The fact that temperatures have been hovering right around, oh, 0ยบ F for three weeks straight absolutely does not help the "I want comfort food and baked goods" feeling, nor the "I am never going outside my house again" attitude. So guess what? Physical activity is at a near stand still. All I'm doing is nursing, zoning out, eating, yelling at my kids, watching the laundry pile grow, nursing, zoning out, and then trying to make some semblance of dinner before Aki arrives home.
As the new year rolled around, Makai's teacher had the class fill out a page about the best and worst of 2012. Makai finished the sentence "The hardest thing about 2012 was..." with "my mom having a baby." It made me sad to read that he viewed the addition of Vaha to our family as a difficulty rather than a celebration. But it's because I'm such a beast when no sleep gets mixed with wonky blood sugar levels. My fuse is ultra-short, so I snap, and my kids are immediately afraid of me. Nothing they do is right, and I place completely unreasonable expectations on them. I really hope their memories are forgiving and with time they won't remember much of this period--because I know I won't!
Well, speaking of the devil, that sweet little boy's eyes just popped open. He's awake from his never-long-enough nap. But with a dimpled, gummy grin, his eyes crinkle up and my heart is mush. I'm off to love on him and get a little hormonal high. :) It's all worth it, right?
2 comments:
When I saw that picture of the cats I burst out laughing because I thought, Man, that really is how you feel when you are a nursing mom--even with just one!
Having a baby during the winter is rough. It's rough any time of the year, but I think winter is really rough because you have to keep the baby away from sick people (which includes your own family practically) and you can't just tell the kids to go outside and play all of the time.
I remember with both of my babies that I was always on the verge of tears those first few months. Sleep deprivation is not a joke. It really stinks and is really hard. I have had really low energy levels for the past year or so with my thyroid not working right and trying to get the kinks worked out and has been hard getting up and doing the same things over and over again, and I know that is NOTHING compared to the sleep torture of a newborn. I think the person that you need to lower the expecations for (including the kids) is yourself too. The laundry will pile up (it does even when you don't have a new baby) and the dishes will sit longer in the sink. It's okay. No really. It's okay. I think you should give yourself one tiny goal each day (like put on a clean shirt and eat some fruit) and then feel proud that you did it. and then, with time, those sorts of goals will seem simple again and that will mean you are halfway out of the newborn cave/fog. I love you lots. don't forget to take care of yourself too. wish I was close by so I could help. but I'm glad you came on and blogged about it--even that can help take some of the edge off just knowing that you vented.
Lindy...
Ok...so I have to admit, you hadn't blogged in so long that I stopped checking your blog:) I was cleaning my blog up, getting ready to erase all those non-bloggers, and I happened to just check on yours one last time...and you had started blogging again!!! YAY!!!
This post hit too close to home for me...now don't get me wrong, I am not nursing a new born baby and don't have any plans to in the future, but having 12 kids provides plenty of sleepless nights, and I am ALWAYS craving that which I should consume the least of, and Heber has been SO could lately that I pretty much stay inside 24/7. Not to mention that my workout routine went down the poopshoot when my husband decided to get a job in Flagstaff which leaves me without someone to watch my kids while I would go out and pound the pavement rather than pounding my children. AND I have decided that my children only listen to me when I am screaming at the top of my lungs!!! :)
Anyway...I will stop boring you with this thing I call my life! You have a beautiful family and I hope all is well!! You are still one of my favorite St. Johns girls!!
Tiffani(tenney)
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